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Joke of the Day

"If you're wondering at what age you'll stop messing up your life know that it's not 40 and apparently not 50 either."

"My CW just barked. Ok, it may have been a burp, but I'd like him a lot more if he were turning into a dog, so I think he barked."

"(My 3 favorite things are) My 3 favorite things are chicken pot pie. Doesn't even have to be in that order."

"If a lesbian couple walks into a bar and the black bartender refuses to serve them, whose fault is it? A white male. Duh."

"How many sexual orientations does a physicist have? Six: Up, Down, Strange, Charm, Top and Bottom."

"What do you call a preacher with an erection? A firm believer"

"[a Swarm of Bees requests to be your friend] um ok [a Swarm of Bees has invited you to event ""Come Outside""] what tha"

"*holds finger up and chews for like 8 minutes after aunt asks me how I've been*"

"Whose parrot sits on his shoulder shouting ""Pieces of four""? Short John Silver!"

"Why is an Irish funeral cheaper than an Irish wedding? There's one less drunk."