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Joke of the Day

"Life is not like a box of chocolates. It's more like not being allowed to leave the table until you finish your brussels sprouts."

"I was gonna make a joke about Mohommad But you have to draw the line somewhere."

"Q: Have you seen the polish mine detector. A1: Put you fingers in your ears and start stamping the ground with your foot."

"I'm starting to think the other moms might not like my nicknames for their kids."

"Cool things always happen when I don't have a camera."

"I didn't think it was funny when I first wrote this one... I gair aunty this is gonna be five steps removed from swishing nebraskan listerine on a gold claim. ...I was right."

"What has four legs and is made out of wood? A horse."

"Did you hear about the gay dog? It was a Golden Receiver."

"I hate Russian nesting dolls They're so full of themselves"

"Stranger: Sir your fly is down... Me: Oh geez! Thanks. *Bends down and picks up fly* Me: He's had some wing issues lately"