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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between rock and jazz? Rock is playing three chords for a thousand people. Jazz is playing a thousand chords for three people."

"I found out it was snowing by looking outside. WTF Twitter? You are suppossed to tell me these things first."

"*ding-dong* - ""Hello, my name is Tony, I'm here to bang your daughter."" - ""TO WHAT?!"" - - ""TONY!"""

"[caught hiding something in the garbage] gf: are you eating hot wings again? me: no gf: oh really, then touch your eyes me: god damnit"

"What do they tell Soviet children who want to achieve their dreams? Shoot for the Tsars."

"So let me get this straight: Trump supporters are butt hurt because someone overgeneralized them and called them a mean name? Oh, the irony."

"What do you call a pachyderm that has nothing to do with the situation? Irrelelephant. *...I'll show myself out*"

"Fun Fact- Dogs make different noises according to where they are on Earth. For example, a dog in Korea makes a sizzling noise."

"Ever want to have rodeo sex? Get on top and call her by the wrong name and try and hold on for 8 seconds."

"What's the worst part of locking your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic? Going in to ask for a coat hanger!"