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Joke of the Day

"can we have one night where you don't act like spiderman ""ok"" [hour later a bird/panther type thing steals wife's purse] ""don't look at me"""

Next Joke
 
"Lawyer: ""What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"" Defendent: ""Gucci Sweats and Sum Jordan's"""
"If the dove is the bird of peace, what's the bird of true love? The swallow."
"Dad would you like to save some money? I certainly would son. Any suggestions? Sure. Why not buy me a bike then I won't wear my shoes out so fast."
"Holy shit, remember rhymes with September. If no one thought about putting that in a song, I'm gonna be rich."
"Just seen an illegal Mexican boy get into a van with a pedophile. Talk about alien vs predator"
"So I'm banging this chick and she looks back and me and says, ""DADDY I'm CUMMINGGG"".... So I say ""Hi Cumming, I'm Dad""."
"What do you get when you mix a communist and a capitalist? Bernie sanders"
"Why did the chicken run around screaming? Because he had to use the bathroom."
"I've decided to be outraged about straws too flimsy to punch through their own wrappers. Time to blog."