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Joke of the Day

"I do laundry so infrequently that anything not filthy feels fancy. ""Woah two clean socks? What is this, prom night!?"""

"Q: What happens when you eat bullets? A: Your hair grows out in bangs."

"-What do you think I should buy, a cow or a bike? _You'd look pretty funny riding a cow...but you'd look much worst milking a bike"

"If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never ageing is wearing the same clothes every day."

"Why are fruit fetishists never alone? Because they cum in pears."

"[walks into bookstore] Me: do you have any books on turtles? Worker: Hard back? Me: Yeah, with little heads."

"How did the Santa Lawn Ornament feel the day after Christmas? He was de-lighted."

"What do you call a bundle of hay in a church? Christian Bale."

"My history teacher found a tampon He's still trying to figure out what period it's from."

"What did General Patton do on Thanksgiving? He gave tanks."