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Joke of the Day
"Hey, baby, you wanna come back to my place, and become a famous murder victim?"
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"""Hustle back on defense you lazy bastard!"" screamed the 300 lb guy at the TV in this sports bar eating onion rings at 10:30 AM."
"Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles? His wife is dead."
"You hang Up. ""No you hang Up."" No YOU hang Up. ""No YOU hang Up."" - couple fighting while hanging Pixar movie posters"
"Jokes about the blind aren't funny. Can't people see that?"
"Glad I spent 40 minutes getting my 1 year old dressed so she could go outside for 3 seconds."
"I invented a new word... Plagiarism."
"People from the UK have been exercising more. They've lost a few pounds."
"I was sitting on an automatic toilet yesterday and it flushed underneath me before I was done. Scared the shit outta me."
"Girls, I think it was Thomas Jefferson who once said; ""Never put off for tomorrow, when you can put out today."""