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Joke of the Day

"Daughter 1: Dad, I'm lesbian. Daughter 2: Dad, I'm also a lesbian. Father: Isn't there anyone in this family who likes dick? Son: Yeah dad, I do."

"My wife accused me of being a transvestite. So I packed her things and left."

"A week is five days of wishing you had nothing to do followed by two days of wishing you had something to do"

"TIL That Oscar Pistorius once opened a pizza parlor only to have it fail and go bankrupt. The cause? His car was always breaking down, so OP never delivered."

"My wife is not buying that autocorrect changed ""You're psychic"" to ""You're psycho."""

"I could survive 3 months in the wilderness with a pocket knife and the contents of a woman's purse."

"If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?"

"I always carry a flashlight with me. That way, if someone locks me in their car trunk, I can entertain myself with cool shadow puppets."

"What's the hardest part to eat of a vegetable? The wheelchair"

"Gotta hand it to midgets sometimes. You know, cause they can't reach and all."