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Joke of the Day
"What does Johnny Depp yell when a tree falls in the forest? Timbuuuuuurrrrrrrrton~!"
Next Joke
"What did the first lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See you next month!"
"""Let's call it a day."" I don't know what else you'd call it. Calling it a turtle would just sound stupid. ""Lets call it a turtle."" See?"
"I saw on the news that when snorted, nutmeg becomes a mild hallucinogen. So I'm going to work today 'megged the fuck outta my mind."
"The pessimist says the glass is half empty. The optimist says the glass is half full. The reposter says the glass is half full"
"""I have too much time on my hands and I want to stew in a broth of my own filth."" - People who take baths"
"Did you hear about the blonde with tire marks on her back? She crawled across the street when the sign said ""DON'T WALK""."
"Relationship status: binoculars"
"What happens when you mock the host of Diners, Drive-In's, and Dives? The guy gets fierious."
"""I wish I had the money to buy a million watermelons..."" ""What will you do with a million watermelons?"" ""I don't want the watermelons, I just want the money."""