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Joke of the Day

"Some people don't realize how grateful they should be that I'm not allowed to carry a sword in public."

"Packing my daughter's prom kit...lip gloss, stun gun, pepper spray, switchblade, and I've uploaded all 5 seasons of Teen Mom to her iPhone."

"Why does the house only have one window? Cheeseburger (joke from my 3 year old neice this evening)"

"By the volume of the pans clanging in the kitchen. I think I'm supposed to go volunteer to help with something"

"Browser joke What do we want? Chrome/Firefox: Faster internet! When do we want it? Internet explorer: Faster internet!"

"The iCloud leaks weren't an accident at all. It was Apple trying to make up for causing Adam and Eve to have to wear clothes in the first place."

"How do you know your friend is gay? When his dick tastes like shit."

"ORAL SEX At this stage of our marriage, me and the wife only practice oral sex. Whenever we pass each other, we both say , 'fuck you.'"

"Don't judge a woman by her granny panties but by what's inside."

"What is the opposite of Dominoes? Domi does not know...."