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Joke of the Day

"Why was Tigger looking in the toilet? He was looking for ""Pooh."""

"Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing"

"My brother & I've competed for title of family black sheep for yrs. He checked in at a strip-club...on FB. Well played brother, well played"

"The ""Personal life"" section of my Wikipedia article is actually pretty accurate. It's non-existent."

"I've completely cocooned myself in this blanket, and I'm not coming out until I'm a fully functional adult or a butterfly."

"What is a Mexican with a rubber toe called Roberto"

"As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: ""I'm going to get thrown out of this home depot in a minute."""

"I did it again, I put way too much hairspray on my back hair, now I can't sleep."

"*sets trap* *snares the Easter Bunny* *pats his head* *lets him go* What?!?...What did you think I was going to do, you savages."

"Man, CNN is so stupid. CNN is so stupid, when they wanted to do a report on Portland counter-culture, they went to a granite shop."