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Joke of the Day

"Attention Prayer Warriors: My neighbor left town for a funeral today. Please pray for God to protect & guide me as I steal his barbecue pit."

"People who talk about me behind my back discussed me."

"ALIEN: You Earthlings have many technological advances. How do you predict the weather? ME: We pull a rodent out of a box."

"We need to stop ISIS. Then we can call them WASWAS."

"What do you call white grand parents? Graham-crackers... ""wokka wokka"""

"BREAKING: Scientists send teen girl back in time to report on WWII. ""Hitler's haircut is literally the worst,"" she writes. ""Also he's mean."""

"""Oh my god I can't believe someone would pronounce my name exactly how it's spelled!!!"" - people with stupid names"

"What was John Locke's favorite beer? Natty Rights"

"Why did the Agnostic cross the road? We don't have enough evidence to say for sure."

"Why are there no guys named William serving in the army? Because they dislike the phrase ""Fire at Will"""