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Joke of the Day

"She said she was turned on by men who took risks. So he took the plastic off his iPhone screen."

"If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you."

"Did you know Elvis used to have a boat called the ""Jailhouse""? That fucking thing rocked."

"How can you tell if a bee is on the phone? You get a buzzy signal."

"45 min phone call w/8yo nephew: Aunt Cassy, there are 206 bones in the human body!Want me to name them?1.Cranium 2.Mandible 3.Scapula..."

"[ Spelling bee ] Your word is Harry Potter Voldermort: Avada Kedavra!"

"This 5p bag tax is great I can get a 10bag for 50p"

"What did the joints say to the arthritis pain? Uh-Leave! I made this up when I was a little kid and naturally thought I was a comedic genius for many unfortunate years to come."

"People in Dubai don't like The Flintstones. But people in ABU DHABI DO!"

"sorry ladies, just changed my Facebook relationship status from ""Single"" to ""Costco Member"""