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Joke of the Day

"Dog pissed about wearing cone after surgery. Dog spends night banging cone against walls, keeping human awake. Dog-1 Human-0"

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I've never had a lentil on my face"

"Children are for life, not just for benefits... Credit: A sticker on the back of some guy's car"

"I slipped on some black ice today I knew it was black ice because now my wallets missing."

"Do people lifting with their knees and backs know about using their hands?"

"Why was Roy Rogers upset when he fell off his horse? He wanted a Trigger warning."

"That moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto correct is like.... 'I've got nothing man.'"

"I lost my job at the calendar factory. My boss said it was unacceptable that I'd taken a few days off."

"Why aren't eagles allowed to be sick in america? Because that would be illeagle"

"What Rock group has four men who don't sing? Mount Rushmore."