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Joke of the Day

"Why aren't eagles allowed to be sick in america? Because that would be illeagle"

"If Apple made cars... ...would they have Windows installed?"

"I'm not doing anything cheesy for my girlfriend on valentines day... She's lactose intolerant."

"I've started calling my penis ""Elbow"" Because it's hard, flexible, and it's rude to have it out on the table during dinner"

"Boyfriend and Boy friend..... See that little space between the second one? Thats called the friend zone!"

"I like my woman like I like my vodka.... Gone in the morning."

"What do men and tile floors have in common? ...if you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for years."

"Lucky that guy in Good Will Hunting liked apples."

"I see your Full House and I raise you 3 episodes of Home Improvement. -Me, not knowing how to play poker, but loving 90's TV"

"I've never seen squirrels fucking, but they've never seen me fucking either, so we have that in common."