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Joke of the Day

"I'm old enough to remember when a car on the back of a tow truck meant a transmission problem rather than repossession problem."

"Fat joke with girlfriend Me : I want to go to McDonald's grab something to eat Gf : yeah that's what fat people do !!! Me : alright then you can grab something for me ! Thanks babe :)))"

"What do you get when you cross a mosquito and a rooster? An itchy cock"

"What do you call a zombie that runs fast? A zoombie."

"What's wet on the inside, hairy on the outside, starts with C and ends in T? Coconut."

"I'll always remember what my dad told me right before he died: ""of course you're supposed to use that much lighter fluid idiot."""

"A girl who bullied me in junior high just friended me on Facebook. Her three kids are named after trees. I win."

"Me, as a judge: OK we'll take a quick recess now. *lawyers start discussing lawyer things* *I go outside and swing on the swingset*"

"What does feminism and a pile of shit have in common? They both started out as a movement."

"Politicians are like Sperm One in a million turn out to be an actual human being"