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Joke of the Day

"Me, as a judge: OK we'll take a quick recess now. *lawyers start discussing lawyer things* *I go outside and swing on the swingset*"

"The Hunger Games Don't they play those in Africa?"

"It's never worth getting into an argument about creationist Adam & Eve versus evolution You're just comparing apples and origins"

"In a crowded elevator, tell all the tall people they have to get in the back because you're going to take a group photo."

"pedophiles are the worst but a close runner-up would be the people who don't get excited when they win stuff on the radio"

"Do you know why a gun is better than a wife? You can put a silencer on a gun."

"What do you call the ticket to get into a giant space station shaped like a vagina? A cunt-astro-fee!"

"Whats the best place to drive to in Iowa? The Middle. That way, you're always driving out of Iowa."

"Where do sick boats go? ........to the dock!! HAHHAHHAHAHHA"

"[walks up to coworker's desk] I know I don't say this often enough, but thank you for not showing me pictures of your kids."