223624

Joke of the Day

"My son has stolen my iPad to play minecraft. Please retweet this so the notifications disrupt his playing."

"I'm half Muslim I'm only entitled to 36 virgins"

"What do you call a line of hundreds of rabbits, moving backwards slowly? A receding hareline"

"Why are they called overalls when you can still see arms and the head? That shit ain't over all. Those are oversomes and whatnot."

"I was having a hard time remembering my PIN on my debit card.... So I changed it to 0911. That way I never forget."

"What did the Math book say to the pencil? I see your point; I've got a lot of problems."

"What do you call a very lazy baby kangaroo? A pouch potato."

"I'm an over medium comedian I don't always make yolks, but when I do, they are runny"

"My husband is doing that cute thing where he would happily drive into oncoming traffic & kill us all while trying to find a bug on his leg."

"Why did Heisenberg have a miserable sex life? Because when he found the correct position, he didn't have the momentum, and when he finally found the time, he didn't have the energy."