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Joke of the Day

"How do you make hard cider? Put it in the freezer."

"My girlfriend is like my will to live Nonexistent."

"Today is national suicide prevention day.. so remember.. If you see any suicide bombers...... Shoot them."

"The #AshleyMadisonHack is getting out of hand. Site just revealed that I've been cheating on my diet. I'm not even sure how they'd know that"

"Just ordered a chicken and and an egg off ebay... Will let you know the results soon."

"Did you hear about the psychic midget who is wanted by the FBI? She's a small medium at large."

"Sometimes I wish real world conversation had a 140 character limit."

"An Irishman walks out of a bar Wait that was a priest...."

"My ex still misses me... Yesterday I narrowly dodged a .22 round discharged at long range."

"Alan Rickman has passed away. He was going through a bad spell."