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Joke of the Day
"Did you hear that Robert Plant got in a car wreck? Now he's Robert Vegetable."
Next Joke
"What is a vampires favourite type of ship? A blood vessel."
"You politely tap a jogger with your car one time, and suddenly you get labeled a hero."
"You know what really grinds my gears? When I shift into third without using the clutch."
"I just started a new job at a factory that makes chess pieces. I'm on knights next week."
"[sinking ship] CAPTAIN: dammit RAT: i'm leaving CAPTAIN: i'm staying CAPTAIN'S GOLDFISH: [in fishbowl] i'm excited to see how this plays out"
"If the world is getting smaller why do postal rates keep going up?"
"Kinda creepy that my kids got in a screaming match over which one is my favorite since I don't have any kids."
"What did the mother snake say to her crying baby ? Stop crying and viper your nose !"
"*strums ukulele* This one goes out to my ex wife, Lucy. It's called ""I know how much you hate ukuleles so I wrote a 9 minute ukulele song"""