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Joke of the Day

"Yes officer, I know my driving is not 100% perfect, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk."

"Why didn't Edward get on the plane? Cause it was snowed-in."

"How do you tell a good monster from a bad one? If it's a good one you will be able to talk about it later!"

"Apparently for every $1 a man makes, a woman makes 70 cents. That's not fair. Why is the man only left with 30? Credit to Bo Burnham."

"Did you hear the Vikings traded Adrian Peterson? They traded him to the Minnesota Twins because the Twins needed a Switch Hitter."

"In Newcastle, England many people don't like to live above the seventh floor in a tower block They have a fear of Eights"

"How do you organize a party in outer space? You planet. &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; ...I'll show myself out."

"I love a room with a fire place it sets the tone for a romantic night, drinking wine slow dancing, burning evidence."

"My girlfriend found lipstick in my pocket, I told her straight up I was cheating, there was no way I was going to confess I sell AVON.."

"I've never watched CSI because I learned everything I need to know about solving crimes from watching Scooby Doo."