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Joke of the Day

"Me: this a rush song? Bartender: yeah, you a fan? Me: does this answer your questions? *lifts shirt to reveal giant tattoo that says ""no""*"

"What do you call a fat person on a high horse? Ellen Pao."

"We've all butt-dialed someone. But have you ever butt-married someone? Coming this fall on TBS..."

"People say I shouldn't have bought so many books about the Nazis But I was only obeying Borders."

"Musing I've had: If a person has sex with sheep, do they need to wear a condomn?"

"[me holding a door] PRETTY GIRL: [over her shoulder] thanks. ME: sorry, i'm married, but in time you'll get over me."

"I guess I didn't lobby hard enough to make extroduce the word of the year."

"Francois Hollande."

"What did the picture say to the Judge? I WAS FRAMED! I just now made that up. I feel good about this one! ~Skip"

"I wish I was Jewish Every time somebody farted I could say: ""Are you a Nazi? Because you just gassed a Jew."""