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Joke of the Day

"Why are Helium, Curium and Barium called the medical elements? Because if you can't Helium or Curium, you Barium. (Heard it from Heimerdinger, League of Legends)"

"I feel like every time a GOP candidate drops out, Oompa Loompas should appear & sing a song to teach us about the perils of gluttony & greed"

"I'd advise you graduates to keep your graduation gown. It's the only outfit you might not outgrow."

"I went to the zoo the other day,... there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu."

"Nothing good can come out of answering your landline."

"What has 4 legs and an arm? A happy pit bull."

"A businessman comes into work distraught, wearing a bloody suit.NSFW A coworker asks him, ""What happened to your tie?"" He responds, ""I had to kill that whore because she had a freaking dick."""

"What do polar bears have for lunch ? Ice burger !"

"Someone at work asked if I'd listened to any good books lately, and now I've got a body to dispose of. :("

"A lot more happened on board the Titanic than you might think. The movie just touched on the tip of the iceberg."