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Joke of the Day

"Just found where my wife hid my birthday present! How'd she know I wanted a one-way ticket to Miami with some guy named Rico?"

"Stranger: ""Excuse me where is the nearest..."" Me: ""GOOGLE IT!"""

"Some people should be forced to carry a plant around with them, to replace the oxygen they waste."

"That tattoo of wings on your back are good. But wings that small could hardly get you off the ground though. *reveals full body wing tattoo*"

"Why is North Korea so lame? It's got no Seoul."

"Marriage is like coffee. First it's really hot. Then it's just right. Then it helps you to get off your ass and do things."

"A man, a lawyer, a redneck, a nun, a blonde, a dog, and a priest walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, ""Is this some kind of a joke?"""

"Drinking too much coffee can cause a latte problems."

"I was caught stalking David Cameron today I told the police that I was simply following the political movement."

"I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you."