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Joke of the Day

"I was caught stalking David Cameron today I told the police that I was simply following the political movement."

"How do I raise my kids? Simple, I grab them under their arm pits, bend at the knees and stand up, how else would you do it?"

"Say no to drugs! Then again, if you're talking to drugs, you're probably already on drugs."

"Did you hear the one about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He stays up all night wondering if dog exists."

"Non english speakers, translate the best joke you have from your language. Other redditors will have to guess from what country the joke is. Obviously, names and places will have to be translated too."

"Christian Bale won Best Supporting Actor for playing a mentally unstable drug addict.And then Charlie Sheen was like, ""You can get an award for that?"

"Why do they carry Marines around on Naval ships? Because sheep would be too obvious."

"did you hear about the new tv crime drama? Criminal Mastermimes: the Silent Killers"

"What's the difference between the Panama Canal and Nancy Pelosi?? ... ... .... One is a busy ditch."

"knock knock who there hop hop who knock knock who there hop hop who"