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Joke of the Day

"That tattoo of wings on your back are good. But wings that small could hardly get you off the ground though. *reveals full body wing tattoo*"

"My State of the Union I am from Illinois, but I also lived in Arizona for a while."

"How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool."

"My sister is moaning and screaming because she's sick. Good thing that her boyfriend is there to comfort her."

"So, I walk in on daughter masturbating with a carrot. I shout, ""Fuck! Seriously? I was going to eat that later, and now it's just going to taste like carrots!"""

"When I'm about to get in bed, I turn my light off and then run and jump into bed so that nothing gets me."

"did you hear about the man who cooled to absolute zero? he is OK now."

"You don't know shit about pressure until you're the only Black person on the dance floor while white people clap & form a circle around you."

"So, tonight at the library I asked the librarian if they had any books on turtles ""Hardback?"" she inquired. ""Yes"" I said. ""and little heads."""

"What is E.T. short for? So he can fit on a spaceship."