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Joke of the Day

"ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them"

"Masochist meets sadist. ""Torture me"", saids masochists. Sadist replies: ""No way"""

"My girlfriend might not be the sharpest girl around. I accidentally left my phone at her house last night. I went back over to get it and saw she had texted me 5 times telling me I forgot it."

"What does the DJ do when he spills acid? He drops the base!"

"How can you tell if a girl is under 18? Ask her if she is a Bernie Sanders supporter."

"What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do with most of his time? Stay up all night wondering if there is a Dog."

"Schrodinger's cat jokes never get old well, they do, but, they don't"

"Are you impulsive? Think about it"

"It turns out the only way to get my kids to flush the toilet is for me to be showering when they use it."

"83 yo man, ""You speak pretty good English for a Chinese girl"". Me: ""I'm caucasian"". Him, ""Well, any kind of Asian looks Chinese to me""."