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Joke of the Day

"Just told my driving instructor to put his seat belt ON for his safety. I'm definitely going to get the license this time."

"Whats the smartest thing to come out of a womans mouth? Albert Einsteins cock"

"What subject did Dracula major in during college? AcCOUNTing This joke must be on a popsicle stick somewhere."

"Me: Shhh, your brother is still sleeping. 4yo: *runs upstairs CRASH JUMP ""Wake up!"" SLAM *runs back downstairs ""No, he's not."""

"I went to the Reddit tennis tournament. All the servers were busy."

"Why is this wet? Just one of the fun games you get to play as a parent."

"If Trump gets the Presidency, he'll ban all shredded cheese from being bought... He wants to make America grate again."

"*leaves the kids w/ a new babysitter *calls to check on the sitter"

"I have a friend whose fetish is cashews. He's fucking nuts."

"Mr. Peanut can't be a health nut... because he is a legume."