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Joke of the Day

"This presidential race in America has taught us at least one thing. Once you go black you can go back."

"How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to screw it almost all the way in and one to give it a surprising twist at the end."

"If you make that Civic muffler loud enough, you can drown out your dad's voice calling you a worthless piece of crap. Almost."

"Every day, I hope I don't get bitten by a spider. I'm not afraid of spiders, I just don't want the responsibility of being a superhero."

"Hard to take women with false eyelashes seriously. It's like watching two tarantulas scream for attention."

"Everyone thinks the same thing when buying Drano. What a waste of money! That's $5 down the drain... ( )"

"Why did Oscar Pistorius shoot his girlfriend in the bathroom? Because he's one of the few people in World that couldn't kick down the door."

"My psychic friend is really excited about this new year. You could say he's really looking forward to it."

"So doctor, do I have rabies? Doc: Short answer. Yes. Patient: What's the long answer? Doc: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssss."

"What did Snow White say when she came out of the photo booth? Some day my prints will come!"