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Joke of the Day

"I'm giving up alcohol for a month.... Wait, sorry. That came out wrong. I'm giving up. Alcohol for a month."

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"[therapy] ""Where does your fear of spiders come from?"" *flashback to Spider-Man trying to kiss me behind Applebees* They're just creepy okay"
"I hate being bipolar. It's fucking awesome."
"if men fall asleep directly after sex . . . why is it so hard to catch a rapist? -Jimmy Carr p.s. never high five a rabbi"
"Good Girls Vs Bad Girls Difference Between Good Girls And Bad Girls Good Girls Open Few Buttons In Hot Atmosphere, But Bad Girls Open All Buttons To Make The Atmosphere Hot."
"What happens if an axe falls on your car? You have an ax-i-dent (accident)."
"Why don't chickens wear underwear? Because their pecker's on their face!"
"How are one out of three American Boats born? By Sea-Section."
"Describe your sex life with a video-game title. Uncharted."
"Pour your beer in a coffee cup because sometimes walking around with a beer during breakfast is frowned upon."
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