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Joke of the Day

"I'm giving up alcohol for a month.... Wait, sorry. That came out wrong. I'm giving up. Alcohol for a month."

"People admit to shopping for their girlfriends/wives all the time... but when I do it I get busted for ~~prostitution~~ human trafficking."

"Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn't matter. It's all good. But a Pepsi drinker..."

"i want all the extra fat on my body to fall off and turn into cash"

"""There are only 2 four letter words that are offensive to me - Don't and Stop.....unless they are used together..."""

"Donald Trump? Donald Trump"

"[at restaurant]] 8yo: why does mom eat half of your food? Me: because.. Wife *evil glare* Me *terrified* because I don't want it."

"My step-dad's pretty cool. Not as cool as my fence-dad, though. Roof-dad is okay. What is a father?"

"Why can't you trick an aborted baby? Because it was not born yesterday."

"What's the cheapest meat to buy? Deer balls. They're under a buck."