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Joke of the Day

"Bong hits bring all the cheetos to my jaw, and it's like, nom nom nom nom."

"White people can't say the N word, but we DO get to say things like, ""Thanks Dad"" and, "" Thanks for the warning, Officer."""

"Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? Because he's out standing in his field."

"I wouldn't say that Christmas gnomes are cross-eyed but when they cry the tears run down their back!"

"Waiter, ""Welcome to red lobster, I'm your seafood expert."" me- ""did you know octopuses have a beak?"" W-""no"" Me- ""who's the expert now?"""

"Why do christians burn fossil fuels? They're trying to destroy the evidence."

"What do you say when your lesbian daughter brings home her girlfriend? ""Are you going to be staying for dinner or eating out?"""

"I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says ""Haha good one!"" and we laugh and laugh and take a nap"

"Dallas Black people: please be Muslim please be Muslim please be Muslim Muslim people: please be black please be black please be black"

"My waterslide technique has been described as 'oafish', 'dangerous' and 'how did you get into the penguin enclosure'."