222428

Joke of the Day

"Monica Lewinsky said it 20 years ago and she said it again this year Hillary Clinton wasn't the right person for the job."

"As I was going through my wallet for a second I thought I got robbed... And then I remembered I got gas."

"I've had rain boots sitting in my dorm since college started. I never thought I'd need them. As it turns out, these boots are made for Joaquin."

"Ordinary things that become AMAZING once you're a parent: -showers -sitting down to eat -drinking coffee while it's hot -pooping"

"How are genders like the twin towers? There used to be two of them but now everyone gets offended if you talk about it."

"Anytime my 6 yr old daughter replies with 'What?', there's always that split second where I fight my urge to start quoting Pulp Fiction."

"A man walks into a library asking for a book... A man walks into a library asking for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian replies, ""Fuck off, you won't return it."""

"If Al Gore had a band, it'd be called... The Algorithms. I'm sooooooooooo sorry for this. :("

"PREACHER: any prayer requests? 3 DUCKS IN A TRENCHCOAT (from the last pew): do the one about our daily bread"

"Q: Mom why do you always stand by the window when I practice for my singing lessons? A: I don't want the neighbours to think I'm employing corporal punishment dear."