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Joke of the Day

"Valentines Day Drinks: $80. Dinner: $75. The room: $250. The look on his face when she says ""I'm on my period"": Priceless."

"unicorns are really just weaponized ponies."

"My walk of shame is leaving a handicapped restroom stall while trying not to make eye contact with the wheelchair guy who was waiting on me."

"What caused the civil war in Ethiopia? Too many Negus."

"What do you call a black guy flying a plane? A pilot. What did you think, you racist mother fucker?"

"FROM: Harvard SUBJ: Your PhD application We are unable to accept you at this time as ""Teaching Squirrels Karate"" is too cool for us."

"Three Chickens Three chickens on a cliff, the first falls, the second was attached to the first, The therd, well. He died of peer presure."

"Why should you never have sex in an Olive Garden? Because when you're there, you're family."

"What's the difference between a job and a wife? After 10 years, a job still sucks!"

"Siri, what's depression? Siri: Here are your directions to Chuck E Cheese."