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Joke of the Day

"Why does Thanksgiving feel like a date with Bill Cosby? You wake up 3 hours later drowsy and wondering why you feel like you just got stuffed with dark meat"

"What does it mean when the Post Office flag is flying at half-staff? They are hiring."

"The last time Twitter was down I realized it didn't take 6 hours to poop."

"What do you get when you cross an elephant with a jar of peanut butter? An elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth."

"I still remember my Grandfather's last ever joke... He said to me, before he passed- 'Quick! Get my medicine!' But, I didn't get it :/"

"12 YEAR OLD: I wrote a movie script called Suicide Squad but it's bad *throws in trash* HOLLYWOOD PRODUCER: *walks by trash* Hey what's this"

"What do you get when you mix a Mexican and an octopus? I don't know, but it sure can wash a lot of dishes."

"Why did the Egyptians build the pyramids? To get to the other side."

"I always eat Eggs Benedict on a foam plate Because there's no plate like foam for the hollandaise."

"I know a hooker downtown that charges by the inch. I can't afford her, but you probably could. *(one-liner from the old guy that delivers stock to my work.)*"