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Joke of the Day

"Why was the computer stressed out when it got home? Because it had a hard drive."

"I overheard my neighbor telling someone on the phone that I am creepy and weird. I was so mad I almost crawled out from under her bed and confront her."

"I've had second thoughts about masturbation... On one hand, it feels great. On the other hand, you don't feel a thing."

"My friend said he was really down because of his car troubles... I told him i didn't wan't to hear his saab story."

"Cop behind me just turned. Best unfollow ever."

"What did the pregnant orange see after 9 months? The fruits of her labor."

"A dick has a sad life... Its hair is a mess, its family is nuts, its neighbor is an asshole, its best friend is a pussy, and its owner beats it."

"Sailors really want to be cool. But they're just naut."

"Did you guys read the book about the midget that hung himself with a belt? I heard it was top notch"

"Two peanuts walk into a bar... One of them was a salted."