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Joke of the Day

"What did the pregnant orange see after 9 months? The fruits of her labor."

"I told my son that I found his hamster. He was ecstatic. Until I said it was in the vacuum cleaner."

"It used to be when people would tell me to go to hell, I'd say I don't believe in hell. But then I got married. So now I just say, ""Been there, done that."""

"You know why we can never trust atoms? Because they make up everything."

"What did the man say when the lobster gave him food poisoning? I'm not letting you cook dinner again"

"A bank's radio commercial just said, ""Every dollar you donate can feed a hungry family."" Your ATM fees can feed four, you murderous pricks!"

"Mary's doctor told her she was allergic to latex ""Oh no, I'm so fucked!"" She responded, shocked at the news ""I'm afraid not."" said the doctor as he left with a grin."

"I can't cook. My strategy for operating the oven is basically the same as my strategy for sex I do my best to turn it on, then I stick my stuff in and hope for the best."

"Fish don't seem that stupid to me. If a burrito dropped out of the sky and hung in mid air I'd prob eat it."

"What kind of pastry do you need a thesaurus to eat? Synonym rolls"