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Joke of the Day

"[Sees restaurant is packed] *Pays hostess $20 to read note* ""Attn patrons there is a vintage yard sale across the street"" *Hipsters clear*"

"How does a black man laugh? They snigger."

"I woke up moody, fat and depressed and thought have I turned into a woman?? Then I realized I'm just a little hungover and need some coffee. Whew!!"

"The news said a condom truck overturned, spilled its huge load and made a big mess. I don't know if it got cleaned up because I fell asleep."

"What's a dragracers favourite meal? Brake-fast"

"""People keep accidentally asking me to purchase meat for them"" ""By mistake?"" ""Not you as well""."

"What did the body builder say when he saw he was out of protein powder? No whey!"

"Two guys are fighting, who should get the last painkiller? If it is a regular fight, give the painkiller to the loser. If it is a fight to the death, the winner gets the painkiller."

"Republicans are like presidential butt plugs. Their sole purpose is to block Obama's shit."

"What's the difference between modern pop and Christmas music? One is 6 people singing 100 songs, the other is 100 people singing 6 songs."