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Joke of the Day

"Republicans are like presidential butt plugs. Their sole purpose is to block Obama's shit."

"A 7 y/o asks his mom at the dinner table... ""Mom?"" ""Yes, honey?"" ""I can be whatever I want to be right?"" ""Yes, dear."" ""Then can I be a carnivore?"" ""...Eat your vegetables."""

"So excited to go and watch 'the Evil Dead' next week. Anyone else going to Thatcher's funeral? Bring 'em on! Post em all here."

"If Hillary wins the election... Will she hire immigrants to install the glass ceiling in the White House?"

"Impress an Asian chick by treating her as an equal."

"My doctor told me I only have two months left to live so I shot him, judge gave me 30 years."

"My thoughts and prayers go out to all those with super busy key chains today. With dolls and shit on them, and fistfuls of keys and whatnot."

"Any fountain can be a Fountain of Youth if filled with champagne and you've had 5 glasses."

"When I see a woman driving a bus I smile and think about how far we as a society have come in equality. ` And then I wait for the next bus."

"I yell at my grandma to see if she is still alive It's a win win situation, either she's still alive or my inheritance just came in."