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Joke of the Day

"People ask me why I don't cuss... ...I tell them it's none of their fuckin' bitch-ass business to know why."

"Turns out I got Lazik surgery by mistake so now I have two lazy eyes."

"Three Signs You're Getting Older I was told that there were three signs that you are getting older. The first is senility And I forget the other two."

"Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than a dinner for two."

"Say 'beer can' in a British accent. I just taught you to say 'bacon' in a Jamaican accent."

"If you were 8 yrs old when ""red red wine"" was released UB40 now"

"How is eating pussy like smoking a cigarette? As you get closer to the butt, the flavor gets stronger."

"Karate Kid (1984) Two grown adults enlist minors to fight a martial arts proxy war."

"Teacher: I'd like to go through one whole day without having to tell you off. Pupil: You have my permission !"

"What Did The Idiot's Friend Say To The Other Idiot's Friend, After The Idiot Lit Herself On Fire? She's Bright..."