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Joke of the Day

"Three Signs You're Getting Older I was told that there were three signs that you are getting older. The first is senility And I forget the other two."

"Why was the President broke after the assassination attempt? Secret service charges."

"Who are your favorite underground artists?? Mine are Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston"

"Being an HR, whenever I get a new batch of resumes, I always throw half of them in the garbage. I don't want unlucky people working in my department."

"[at the opera] Me: what's wrong with that guy Wife: shh! Me: but he's tiny, he can barely hold that violin Wife [whispers]: that's a cello"

"What the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels? John Wayne stopped killing Indians a long time ago."

"If your partner is overweight, get them to walk 3 miles in the morning and 3 miles in the evening. After 2 weeks the fat fucker will be 84 miles away"

"*Speed Dating* Him: Do you have any hobbies? Me: *tying my hair in a big knot under my chin so I look like I have a beard* ""TAAA-DAAA!"""

"Ready, Set, Go... Did you hear about the muslim who was shot by a starting pistol? It was race related."

"You didn't question the free nachos or the ride in the van. But now that I've got a knife to your throat you're all ""why, why?"""