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Joke of the Day
"Turns out I got Lazik surgery by mistake so now I have two lazy eyes."
Next Joke
"This census and Tax stuff is crap. I want to live in a country that doesn't assign homework."
"""I don't understand the value in seeing a therapist."" - People who haven't spent time with me yet."
"Boolean Algebra You either know it or you don't."
"What's the difference between an erection and Colin Kaepernick? An erection can make it past the semis, and still stand up if you sing for it."
"Next update: Twitter will tell you what the retweeter is feeling as they retweet your retweet. And what they had for breakfast."
"Instead of regular Christmas cake, I hit my Italian neighbor over the head with a saucepan Pan-a-tony"
"My therapist says that to be happy in marriage, never go to sleep mad at each other. Been mad at my wife 2 months straight cause of insomnia"
"Why don't vegans eat chicken? Because it contains egg..."
"One good thing about being ugly is that when someone stares at you for too long you automatically know they wanna rob you."