221822

Joke of the Day

"[getting murdered] Me: ""Could you please stop for a second?"" *gives murderer a Snickers"

"Where do steers go to dance? To the Meat Ball!"

"WANTED: Someone to have my babies and carry on my family name. No strings attached. You can even keep the kids."

"There was a shooting at the Apple store last night. There were no iWitnesses."

"Did you hear the energizer bunny was arrested? He went to court and was charged with battery."

"If I'm reading this correctly the Second Amendment allows me to shoot a bear, tear off his arms and keep them."

"When asking a girl out it's important to show you respect her. Try writing your number on a Tubman Twenty so she knows your a feminist."

"A frog literally just intentionally threw himself under my lawn mower I guess he wanted to Kermit suicide. I hate myself. I'm sorry."

"There's a huge party at the orphanage tonight Their parents are gone."

"What is the difference between a Mechanical Engineer and a Civil Engineer? A Mechanical Engineer makes weapons, a Civil Engineer makes targets."