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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about Michael Vicks new shoe contract? Hush Puppies."

"Nick clegg themed toilets They're full of shit"

"[ten seconds into tv interview where my identity is being protected] camera guy: don't try to disguise your own voice, let the machine do it"

"Never lie! Said Mommy to little Timmy and handed him over to Santa."

"There should be a self-destruct button for when someone catches you taking a picture of yourself."

"You know the Yahoo hack is not that bad... at least someone knows my password to my Yahoo account."

"JESUS: heaven... must be missing an angel ME: o gee thamk u jesus ur so sweet JESUS: hehe ME: hehe JESUS: time to send u back ME: wait no what"

"Why would anyone lie about liking big butts?"

"Adam and eve just finished having sex for the first time god looks down and sees eve washing up and says "" I'm never going to get that smell out of the fish"""

"How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? Pick it up and suck it's dick."