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Joke of the Day

"What do you call it when you can't decide between a natural birth and the hospital? A midwife crisis."

"I overheard two of my friends talking about me the other day... I said ""you disgust me"" ""Yes, we did"" they replied."

"How can you find out the gender of an ant? Throw it in the water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it floats, it's buoyant"

"'I'm Spartacus' 'No I'm Spartacus' 'I am Spartacus' 'I AM Spartacus' 'I'm Spartacus' 'Look I just need someone to sign for the package'"

"Do you know what that white shit in bird shit is Shit..."

"Why did the pharaoh retire? Because he did not want to be part of a pyramid scheme"

"Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, ""Please wear."""

"Knock knock...... Who's there? One Two. One Two Who? THAT'S ONE TO MANY QUESTIONS OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR"

"My kids decided to move a piece of furniture to a random spot, I wonder how much it will cost to fix whatever they're covering up"

"Just did my taxes. Put $420.69 on every line and 5 IRS agents just showed up at my door with a keg, 3 strippers and giant foam fingers."