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Joke of the Day

"Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, ""Please wear."""

"What a weekend...trying to get the courage to look at my credit card statement from last night."

"I pick up my girlfriend at my her parent's house Her parents: She can eat anything except nuts, she is allergic to nuts. I reply, ""that may have ruined my plans for the evening"""

"If pronouncing my b's as v's makes me sound Russian, then soviet."

"Did you hear the joke about the guy who shined a light at his shadow? It starts off dark, but the ending is bright."

"There is nothing more enjoyable than watching a child being chased by a seagull."

"What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays. I know, I know... even I'm ashamed of myself for posting this!"

"Why was Six afraid of Seven? Because Seven is a convicted felon and it is clear that prison life wasn't easy on him. It doesn't help that Six is, naturally, a little timid."

"What did the one explorer say to the other when they arrived in Northern Canada? Eh, you take this one. I don't want Nunavut. PS: I realize it's a double negative."

"Why did the viper viper nose ? Because the adder adder hankerchief !"