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Joke of the Day

"Just did my taxes. Put $420.69 on every line and 5 IRS agents just showed up at my door with a keg, 3 strippers and giant foam fingers."

"My son just handed me a duck & a pig from his puzzle & smiled as if that made us ""even"" for all the food/clothing I've given him."

"What did the letter O say to the letter Q? ""For God's sake man, put some pants on!"""

"So many people have a messiah complex these days.... I'm like ""Jesus Christ!"""

"What's the worst thing about being a black Jew? You have to sit in the back of the oven."

"You mean there's another way to eat toast besides hunched over the sink like a fucking criminal??"

"Everyone's talking about how Shia LaBeouf plagiarized Daniel Clowes, but nobody said anything when Kristen Stewart plagiarized paint drying."

"I was raised as an only child. My siblings took it pretty hard."

"How can you tell if your roommate is gay? His dick tastes like shit."

"Did you hear about the skeleton that couldn't go to the party? He had no body to go with!"