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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the prize for the Amish children's cooking competition? Whichever kiddo makes the best egg dish gets to keep the Amlet omelet amulet"

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"Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy .... .... I hear you ask."
"Reportedly, Bill Gates filed for trademarks on iCrosoft, iNdows & iHateSteveJobs today. Then, he wiped his ass with a bazillion dollar bill."
"I visited Canada and got an STD Hepatitis A."
"[creates anti aging pill] Reporter: wow imagine all the human applications this can have *I scribble out 'give to puppies'* Yeah absolutely"
"Baby you were beautiful Until your Photoshop 30 days trial expired"
"When my neighbor's bed starts rhythmically hitting the wall, I like to drum back. Last night, we had a real jam session going."
"freak people out in public restrooms by saying ""come in"" when they knock on the stall door"
"How does a barnacle like its martinis? On the rocks."
"Felt sad that rabbits ate all my marigolds. Then felt glad that I don't have to water them anymore. Suburban life is a roller coaster."