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Joke of the Day

"My Friends Call Me A Pedophile Because she's 18 and I'm 30, but I'll be damned if I let them ruin our seven year anniversary."

"Why do scuba-divers go in backwards? Because if they went forward they'd fall in the boat."

"So I was having sex the other day"

"What's the last thing to go through a fly's mind when it hits your windshield? it's butt."

"*scientist finishes bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal and begins drinking the milk* ""Wait just one damn minute"" - How horchata was born"

"Yo mama head so small that she got her ear pierced and died."

"Two television sets got married. The wedding was boring, but the reception was beautiful."

"I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night... I should have put it on aloha setting."

"I just left a pregnancy test box in my brother's bathroom to mess with him and his new girlfriend."

"R.E.M.'s ""Everybody Hurts"" should automatically play every time anyone takes the first bite into a microwaveable burrito."