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Joke of the Day

"Procrastination is like masturbation... It feels good at first, but in the end, you realize that you just fucked yourself."

"I've been going to the gym for five years now and I still don't have abs. It sucks being the cleaner."

"""Can I get a do-over?"" - Me, playing golf, tennis (or pretty much any sport), taking a test, having sex, making a speech, living my life...."

"I know 3 jokes about cheese... But none of them are as gouda 'dis one."

"The last time I saw my friend Peter he was counting. ""75, 76, 77..."" he said, as he began to walk away. I don't know what he's up to now."

"Father say to son ""If you keep masturbating you'll go blind."" Son replied ""Dad, I'm over here."""

"Every atom in your body is born in a star, traveled millions of light years, & through an amazing process became you. & you watch Teen Mom."

"Assistant: Uh sir? Your personalized jean jacket is very cool but it looks like the store screwed up. It says STAN on the back. Satan: WHAT"

"It's always the Great Wall of China, but I feel bad for all the other walls in China. They're like ""Hey i'm a pretty good wall too."""

"A termite walks into a bar... And asks, ""Is the bartender here?""."