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Joke of the Day

"Illegal immigration jokes.. are borderline offensive"

"Dreading the day that all my present and past roommates figure out that I haven't bought my own body wash in 10 years."

"Just installed an egg cannon on the hood of my car. Flipping people off and cursing at them just doesn't satisfy me anymore."

"My dick is so big that a JPEG picture of it cannot be stored in a FAT formatted drive."

"What's the difference between an Hawaiin and a Muslim ? One always offer a snack bar after saying hello"

"Did you hear about the new ""morning after"" pill for men? It changes your blood type."

"[pet store] Me *looking at snakes* ""CAN I FEED THEM?"" Pet Store Employee [never looks up from his phone] sure. Me *putting my kids in tank*"

"Why did Lot leave his wife? She became salty."

"I'm gonna start using my cat's ages like y'all do your kids. 5 just projectile vomited and 1 is trying to eat it off the floor."

"I hate being bipolar... But it's also pretty awesome sometimes."