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Joke of the Day

"The difference between a prostitute and a politician (NSFW) When the prostitute is paid to fuck somebody, they get fucked back."

"I consider myself to be... a reflexive pronoun."

"Him: I love redheads. I could totally see you being a great wife. Me: I could totally see you being a great chalk outline."

"When talking to a girl, their boobs are like the sun... You can't look at them for very long unless you have sunglasses"

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - FrankenBarbie ...comes with bolts through her neck"

"[on 1st date] Me: Have you ever flown to Paris on a private jet before? Her: No, I'd love to Me: Same Me: *shows photo of cat* this is Tim"

"WANTED: ladder. must be in working condition. bring it by 5134 parker st, it's the big yellow house with a guy on the roof"

"Exec 1: So, you wait in long lines. No shade. Crying kids. Drinks cost $7.00. Exec 2: Nice. What do we call it? E1: Lol, ""amusement park."""

"What do you call a row of boxers-in-training? A shitty punch line."

"What do you call an animal with a long neck and a love for oranges? A Jiraffa."